Her hypnotist boyfriend can’t support herself and she doesn’t want to support him – Slog

I am a 26 year old bisexual female living in California working on my graduate degree in a STEM field. My boyfriend is 33 and we have been dating for a year. He hasn’t made a dime all this time and his work situation stresses me out. He spent thousands of dollars on “training” to become a hypnotist, not in a graduate program or formal setting, but taking weekend classes with charlatans who claim hypnosis can do it all. , to get women to have sex with them to cure cancer. It all sounds like total bullshit, but he takes it so seriously and now he’s trying to start a business as a hypnotist. Of course, this is not going anywhere as there is competition from licensed hypnotherapists with masters or doctorates, and people prefer to entrust their mental health to the professionals.

When we first started dating he made it look like he had a thriving business, but of course as we got to know each other the truth came out and he saw the money that his parents give him. Once I figured that out, I was already too far away – I really love him and he tries really hard to be a good partner. I tried to support his career but I’m coming to a breaking point because I’m exhausted from doing this false front. I really don’t respect what he’s doing and I think it’s a dead end. Also, if I try to give him advice on his job (for example lowering his price by $ 300 / hour, since he doesn’t get any clients at that price), he blows me up, but gives me when even advice on my work, in a field in which he does not know anything but thinks he has “intuition” (spoiler: he does not).

I’m worried because I’m going to be finishing my degree in two years and then I’m basically guaranteed a six-figure job; I keep telling him not to rely on my ability to support him, but I don’t know if it’s sinking. He’s also quite clearly depressed and says he might just kill himself if the hypnotist career doesn’t work out. He doesn’t have access to therapy with his terrible health insurance, and refuses to take antidepressants, so I don’t know what to do when he says that. He says I’m the only thing in his life that brings him joy.

I fear that his parents will stop supporting him (which they will probably do in the year) and that then it will be up to me to provide him with my small graduation grant, because if I don’t, he just going to kill herself. The pressure of knowing that if his job fails I’m going to have to deal with him distracts me from the relationship and makes me forget all the good things. We love each other and have a great time together. I just know that I’ll have kids that I need to take care of someday, and I don’t want to waste my 20s caring for a grown man, especially the one I know I don’t have. long-term future because it doesn’t. I don’t want children / marriage and I want it.

Am I a bitch to judge him on his work situation? We’re not married and I don’t rely on him for money, so it’s none of my business; Am I just trying to ignore him until he asks me for help? Or should I be frank with him and give him some love on how I think he needs to find another career? He never had a stable career, so he would start from square one at 33; I can understand why he is so resilient, but better to start now while his parents can continue to help him than when he has nothing in a year.

Wishing my boyfriend had a job

Put aside the fact that your new boyfriend has been essentially unemployed and / or unemployable his entire life … and put aside the fact that he is in his 30s and his parents are still supporting him … and put some aside from the fact that he tried to take you hostage with suicide threats …

You want marriage and children and he doesn’t. Case closed. Game over. Hard.

Basically, WMBHAJ, unless you’re willing to sacrifice your dream of having children to support this male child for the rest of your life … earned STEM money on increasingly wacky schemes (qu comes after amateur hypnotherapy? dowsing?) … or unless your boyfriend is ready to get married, have kids and be the primary caregiver / housewife in exchange for never having to pretend to look for work at home again. outside the house …

You don’t have a long-term future with this man. And I know you know it, WMBHAJ, because I removed it from your letter!

Corn! Corn! You love it. Alright, sure. I have no doubts, WMHAB, because you wouldn’t already have wasted ten percent of your 20s on this guy if you didn’t like him. But you don’t have to wait until you’ve fallen in love with someone – or come to hate that person – to end a relationship that you know won’t make you happy in the long run. term. Your refusal to support him and his inability to provide for himself will generate so much conflict down the road that you will one day end this relationship. Consider whether it will be easier to end this relationship before you make the mistake of moving in together or “helping her one time” with her rent, or if it will be more difficult.

You’ve known this guy for a year. He lied to you at the start of your relationship – about the source of his income – and now he’s lying to you about killing himself if you leave. It might be true that you are the only thing in his life right now that brings him joy, WMHAB, but it’s his problem, not yours. And that doesn’t require you to stay in that relationship and let him complain about STEM for the rest of your life.

His parents are about to call his bluff. You should call him first.

DTMFA.

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