Here’s how to identify if you’re narcissistic, according to an expert

All the relationship experts agree: you should avoid narcissists like the plague. But what happens when you are the one with this character flaw?

A partner with narcissistic personality disorder is likely to seduce you with love bombardment before falling into a pattern of physical and emotional abuse, lying, manipulation, and gaslighting.

However, everyone can be narcissistic to some degree without even realizing it, internationally accredited and multi-award winning trauma recovery coach Ronia Fraser tells Femail.

“You don’t have to be a clinically diagnosed narcissist to exhibit narcissistic traits, sometimes unintentionally causing harm to others,” she said.

She said a very obvious narcissistic trait is a “grandiose sense of self-importance and belief that you are special,” but there may be other less obvious signs.

Feeling jealous and comparing yourself to others, or always being the first to take on a charity challenge could be signs that you have an inflated sense of self-importance.

Here, Ronia reveals the traits you need to check out and what to do if you’re worried about exhibiting narcissistic tendencies.

Ronia Fraser, an internationally accredited and multi-award winning trauma recovery coach, told Femail anyone can be narcissistic without even realizing it (stock image)

You put others down to feel better

Ronia pointed out how some people gain a sense of power by putting others down.

She explained that it can sometimes be a defense mechanism when you yourself are supposed to be put down by others.

“Do you ever feel threatened, inferior, stupid or undermined by what other people say or do,” she said.

“And in turn, get mean and maybe even use your knowledge about them against them?” she asked.

She explained that choosing to put people down because you yourself feel less than that is a sign of narcissism.

You constantly envy others

If you think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, it might be time to take a hard look, Ronia said.

“Do you spend a lot of time on other people’s business and are you jealous of their accomplishments, material possessions, family, appearance, etc.,” she said.

Ronia, who provides coaching advice on her site,, sheds light on the questions to ask yourself to know if you have narcissistic tendencies

Ronia, who provides coaching advice on her site,, sheds light on the questions to ask yourself to know if you have narcissistic tendencies

She added that in addition to obsessing over what other people have, narcissists also tend to pay a lot of attention to whether they make other people jealous.

“You can spend so much time thinking about how much other people envy you,” she said.

You do kind and charitable things only for praise and recognition

While you might think charity work is the opposite of what a narcissist does, it all depends on the motivation behind it, Ronia said.

“Do you jump on every challenge or charity event and become super passionate and involved, desperate to be seen as the most helpful, the most caring, the most invested,” she said.

“Whether it’s in your community or for clicks and likes online, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s about validation and recognition rather than having a real deep interest in the cause,” said she added.

You use your trauma and mental health issues to make others feel sorry for you

We all carry trauma, however, narcissists tend to use their own baggage to gain social capital, Ronia said.

She explained that people who exhibit narcissistic traits might tell their gory story over and over, to anyone who will listen, in order to gain validation and hope that someone will take care of them.

“You may be counting on their love and kindness to ease your pain and solve your problem,” she said.

However, the expert added that by doing this, narcissists avoid empowering themselves and won’t change either.

She said that narcissists are “all talk, no action.”

You have little respect for the feelings, needs, cares, and concerns of others

Perhaps one of the most glaring examples of self-centered behavior is a lack of interest in the feelings and concerns of others.

“Don’t you just have the time and patience to deal with someone else’s ‘drama’?” Ronia asked.

She added that narcissists often feel uncomfortable when other people around them display their emotions.

Narcissists are more likely to walk away from these situations or divert attention to how it affects them, rather than showing support.

How to deal with YOUR narcissistic traits


Being narcissistic doesn’t mean you’re going to hurt people every chance you get, Ronia said.

“Narcissism in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. If we think about the origins of the term and Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in the water,” she said.

“No harm was done to anyone else. We all need a good dose of narcissism in us.

Ronia added that to be a well-rounded human being, we must display “a healthy self-image, self-esteem, self-confidence, and a healthy sense of self-preservation.” The same goes for empathy.

“Someone who has no self-esteem, a distorted negative self-image, and who religiously puts the welfare of others before their own, completely sacrificing themselves, is equally unhealthy and damaging,” she said. declared.

“It’s also what makes us prone to fall into the trap of being a narcissist,” she added.

“It’s the balance that’s important. Tipping the scales one way or the other is where the trouble begins – for yourself and for others.


Riona said true narcissists never even question their own wrongdoings, mostly due to a lack of self-awareness.

“A lot of my clients come to me asking if they are narcissists themselves,” Ronia said.

“Either because that’s what their abuser told them, or because after gaining all this knowledge about narcissistic abuse after reflection, they’ve now noticed certain things they’ve said or done in their past that potentially tick the boxes for narcissistic traits.’

The first step is to really examine your own behavior.

“It requires self-awareness, the ability for self-reflection and, above all, honesty with yourself,” she said.


Once you notice some alarming patterns in your behavior, you can take action to change them.

“Some behavioral patterns can simply be changed by becoming aware of them and deciding to change them,” she said.

A counselor, coach, or therapist can help identify and understand narcissistic traits and their impact,” she added.

She said practices such as neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and hypnotherapy can help address deep-rooted triggers that lead to narcissistic behavior, such as feeling inferior, for example.


“Just take notice and acknowledge your behavior for what it was,” Ronia advised.

‘No need for judgment or self-hare. We all do our best with what we have at some point.

‘Now you know better, now you do it differently. The beautiful thing is that once you become aware of it, you have the ability to change it in the future. The choice is yours. And help is available,” she said.

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