All the relationship experts agree: you should avoid narcissists like the plague. But what happens when you are the one with this character flaw?
A partner with narcissistic personality disorder is likely to seduce you with love bombardment before falling into a pattern of physical and emotional abuse, lying, manipulation, and gaslighting.
However, everyone can be narcissistic to some degree without even realizing it, internationally accredited and multi-award winning trauma recovery coach Ronia Fraser tells Femail.
“You don’t have to be a clinically diagnosed narcissist to exhibit narcissistic traits, sometimes unintentionally causing harm to others,” she said.
She said a very obvious narcissistic trait is a “grandiose sense of self-importance and belief that you are special,” but there may be other less obvious signs.
Feeling jealous and comparing yourself to others, or always being the first to take on a charity challenge could be signs that you have an inflated sense of self-importance.
Here, Ronia reveals the traits you need to check out and what to do if you’re worried about exhibiting narcissistic tendencies.
Ronia Fraser, an internationally accredited and multi-award winning trauma recovery coach, told Femail anyone can be narcissistic without even realizing it (stock image)
You put others down to feel better
Ronia pointed out how some people gain a sense of power by putting others down.
She explained that it can sometimes be a defense mechanism when you yourself are supposed to be put down by others.
“Do you ever feel threatened, inferior, stupid or undermined by what other people say or do,” she said.
“And in turn, get mean and maybe even use your knowledge about them against them?” she asked.
She explained that choosing to put people down because you yourself feel less than that is a sign of narcissism.
You constantly envy others
If you think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, it might be time to take a hard look, Ronia said.
“Do you spend a lot of time on other people’s business and are you jealous of their accomplishments, material possessions, family, appearance, etc.,” she said.
Ronia, who provides coaching advice on her site, https://www.roniafraser.com, sheds light on the questions to ask yourself to know if you have narcissistic tendencies
She added that in addition to obsessing over what other people have, narcissists also tend to pay a lot of attention to whether they make other people jealous.
“You can spend so much time thinking about how much other people envy you,” she said.
You do kind and charitable things only for praise and recognition
While you might think charity work is the opposite of what a narcissist does, it all depends on the motivation behind it, Ronia said.
“Do you jump on every challenge or charity event and become super passionate and involved, desperate to be seen as the most helpful, the most caring, the most invested,” she said.
“Whether it’s in your community or for clicks and likes online, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s about validation and recognition rather than having a real deep interest in the cause,” said she added.
You use your trauma and mental health issues to make others feel sorry for you
We all carry trauma, however, narcissists tend to use their own baggage to gain social capital, Ronia said.
She explained that people who exhibit narcissistic traits might tell their gory story over and over, to anyone who will listen, in order to gain validation and hope that someone will take care of them.
“You may be counting on their love and kindness to ease your pain and solve your problem,” she said.
However, the expert added that by doing this, narcissists avoid empowering themselves and won’t change either.
She said that narcissists are “all talk, no action.”
You have little respect for the feelings, needs, cares, and concerns of others
Perhaps one of the most glaring examples of self-centered behavior is a lack of interest in the feelings and concerns of others.
“Don’t you just have the time and patience to deal with someone else’s ‘drama’?” Ronia asked.
She added that narcissists often feel uncomfortable when other people around them display their emotions.
Narcissists are more likely to walk away from these situations or divert attention to how it affects them, rather than showing support.
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