Liverpool mum asks ‘Are your kids sure to pick up on your toxic traits?’

Are you worried that your children will grow up coping with stress by drinking or overeating just like you do?

If there are members of your family who have struggled with addictions and you become attached to certain things easily or use cigarettes, alcohol or substances to manage stress, how likely are your children do the same?

And what can you do to break these generational cycles?

READ MORE:Being creative is not something we should leave behind in childhood

I spoke with Lauren Smith, Master Practitioner and Coach in Neurolinguistic Programming, Hypnotherapy, and Temporal Therapy, about resetting our unconscious and creating positive, lasting change.

Addiction is most commonly associated with gambling, drugs, alcohol, and smoking, but it’s possible to become addicted to just about anything.

You can become addicted to work, shopping, internet browsing, computer games, social media, exercise, overeating, or sex. Addiction can also manifest in softer ways, such as impulsiveness, reckless behavior, and non-compliance.

Some studies suggest that a person’s risk of becoming addicted is partly genetic, and it’s widely believed that you absorb information about how to deal with stress by watching your parents.

So if your mom drank a bottle of wine every night and flew through a multi-pack of chips while your dad smoked a lot of weed, chances are you’re about to get into the game. adulthood with very few healthy tools to cope with stress.

And those who find it difficult to cope with stress or difficult situations, are more likely to be attracted to substances to forget their problems.

You may even feel like you like to smoke, drink, overeat, or scream when you’re stressed because it makes you feel better.

But is this the coping behavior you want to pass on to your children? Unlearning your unconscious behaviors using only willpower can be very difficult. You may have tried many things, but feel that you cannot change.

Lauren works with people in prisons, the NHS, schools and the community, who struggle with their mental health. She also offers coaching and hypnotherapy to private clients ready to kick habits that no longer serve them.

Below are a series of questions I posed to Lauren and her advice for anyone wanting to change their behavior before it’s too late.

Is addiction genetic?

Lauren said: “There’s a lot of research that suggests genetics plays a role, however, I think if we just focus on one side of the argument we weaken ourselves into believing we have little control over it. our way of life.

“Many addictions, like smoking, form as a result of learned behavior, from our parents or our peers. We develop unconscious programs when we are younger.

“We develop unhealthy behaviors, not because we are ‘destined’ for them, but because we have been taught that.

“By focusing on what we can control and change (our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and programming), we can then release the grip of addiction and let go of those unwanted behaviors, whatever our DNA.”

If you smoke, drink, overeat, or use recreational drugs, what are the chances that your children will grow up to do the same?

Lauren added: “Considering that many of our unconscious programs are instilled in us mainly between the ages of 0 and 7, it is very likely that what children observe, they repeat.

“If we combine this with the research supporting the claim that genetics plays a role in addiction, then it is extremely likely that we are setting our children up for very similar experiences.

“Parents and caregivers are the first role models we’ve ever had. We use them as a frame of reference to know if what we’re doing is right or wrong.

“The beliefs we formed as children were never ours to begin with. They may not be our fault but become 100% our responsibility, once we become adults.”

If someone is unable to quit smoking, overeating, drinking alcohol, or shopping online to cope with stress, what would your advice be? What can they do?

She said: “First of all, it’s about being aware that you’re behaving undesirably.

“Bring your awareness to the dissatisfaction you feel and accept that you are behaving in ways you don’t actually want. Many people live through the prism of denial, but live with a lingering sense of sadness and dissatisfaction.

“Accept it. Then start working on the origin of this behavior. Finding the root cause of this behavior allows us to understand why it is happening.

“Are you trying to avoid something else? What other uncomfortable feelings are you masking by usually using unhealthy coping mechanisms? Then you can focus on the underlying issue.”

“Our minds are mainly divided into two – the conscious and the unconscious. The conscious mind is considered our ‘creative’ mind.

“It is what separates us from other animals and allows us to have conscious self-awareness. Here we can form ideas, think rationally and make decisions.

“However, 95% of our mind is unconscious. The unconscious can resist change from the conscious mind. So using conscious effort and thought to create profound change often doesn’t work.

“We need to tap into our unconscious mind. From there we can directly reprogram unwanted thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. This can be done using hypnosis, either by using resources yourself or with a qualified hypnotherapist.

Is any addiction born of an underlying anxiety or stress?

Laurent said, “No. There can be many reasons why people become addicted to substances or engage in unwanted behaviors. Experiencing trauma and other mental health issues can lead to using unhealthy coping mechanisms to relieve pain.

“However, some addictions form due to a lack of awareness of the effects of experimentation. Social influence can lead a person to use substances recreationally and leave pleasure seekers wanting more and never feel fully satisfied.”

How much work does it take to break a toxic generational trait?

She added: “How we think about a problem determines the outcome. If we think it’s hard, then it will be. It shouldn’t diminish or invalidate the struggle to deal with addiction.

“But if we are fully committed to solving the central problem and believe that change is possible, it can be done with relative ease. Breaking through generational trauma and toxic traits starts with an individual deciding this is where it’s at. ended.

“Once we commit to making this happen, not just using the conscious mind, but working with our subconscious programming, we can create deep and lasting change.”

Is it too late to do this job after having children?

She said, “It’s never too late to decide to improve. There are many people who have overcome addictions for more than 30/40 years. They probably wish they had done it sooner, but there’s no better time than now.

“Being a positive role model and example for your children can instill the idea that we have choices and are capable of becoming better.”

So, now that we’re ready to make these changes, where do we turn?

Lauren added: ‘Your GP is a good place to start, particularly if you need a physical detox. But there are other forms of effective therapeutic intervention for those with addictions such as smoking, overspending, gambling, etc.

“Hypnotherapy is used to work directly with the unconscious programs in your mind that create these habits and behaviors.

“There are other talk therapies, such as CBT, that can help with other trauma and mental health issues. Doing the two together would be a winning combination.”

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