I am a 27 year old male who has had anxiety issues since childhood. I recently started seeing a counselor with whom I share all my issues. She listens to me patiently and she has kind of become a mother figure to me. (I didn’t have a good mother.) But lately I’ve been feeling drawn to her. I think of her all the time. I can’t wait to see her again. I find myself emotionally dependent on her. Is this feeling natural? What should I do? -ARA
Nishma Choudhary, Masters Student in Clinical Psychology and Co-Founder of My Sirani
It’s normal to develop feelings for your advisor. You share your deepest secrets with her. Developing feelings for someone who patiently listens to your problems and gives you non-judgmental advice is natural. It gives you a space where you are comfortable being vulnerable. It may be a state you associate with feeling loved, whether with a parent or a partner.
You need to take a few things into consideration. How long ago did you begin to develop feelings or an attraction towards her? Does the end of feelings take longer than necessary?
Maybe you can start by thinking about why you feel this way. If counseling has helped you manage your anxiety, you should take away positive feelings from your sessions. And maybe that feeling leads you to think of your advisor as a mother figure. Your feelings may also be born out of gratitude to him for listening to you and helping you. Or, because you yearn to have someone to talk to, someone who understands your struggle with anxiety, what your counselor is for you right now.
One thing you can do is talk about your feelings with your counselor. Ultimately, she’s there to support you emotionally. She understands your condition and she will know how you can best understand and manage your emotions. In fact, there is no one better placed to speak to this issue than your advisor.
I understand this may be awkward for you, but chances are your advisor has already experienced something similar. I therefore advise you to speak to your adviser before seeking advice from someone else. She is there to help you.
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