Five Secrets to Happy Friendships
Could tapping into this effective coaching technique help strengthen the bond you have with your loved ones?
Years ago I would blame the world for not having people around me when I needed them. I always thought it was everyone’s fault and didn’t value my friendships. But I misunderstood what being a friend really meant, and I was a lousy friend.
It’s a natural instinct to connect, and as we’ve evolved over generations, we naturally want to be among others. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the art and science of understanding how your mind works, why it works the way it does, and how you communicate with yourself and your outside world. NLP helps you understand how you perceive your world, your relationships and how to communicate better. And when I learned NLP, it helped me notice all the friendships I actually had that I hadn’t noticed before – and it impacted how I present myself to people who are deeply dear to me.
Here are some ways NLP has helped me change my way of thinking, and some tips that will help you be a better friend and support others when they need you most.
1. Respect for the model of the other’s world
This comes from NLP assumptions and NLP mindsets – these are the assumptions and beliefs that we have. Our model of the world is as unique as we are; everyone sees the world differently. Respecting it is really important.
2. Assume personal responsibility
The saying “happiness is an inside job” really comes into play here. We have to remember that if our friends don’t answer us or call us back, it’s usually nothing personal, it’s just that they are busy, didn’t see it or wanted to return the call/ the message but just I haven’t gotten there yet. Using the NLP mindset, you can take responsibility for being the one to follow messages, call them back, and follow up on people you haven’t spoken to in a while.
3. Communicate effectively
If you are in a relationship, be it a friend or a romantic relationship, you may not be happy and you can blame them. So they are the reason you’re not happy, because they do this and that. Now, chances are they won’t have a clue what you’re thinking if you don’t communicate effectively with them. When we understand that happiness is an inside job and we take the initiative to communicate where we are with our loved ones, we can have a much better quality of relationship.
4. Make sure you don’t project
In NLP, it’s when you think about something about yourself (that you may not really be aware of) and act in a certain way or notice things in your life that make you feel unwell. certain way. Often this is in a negative light, as you may have limiting beliefs that you tell yourself about who you are. You may also project the way you think and feel onto yourself in your relationships. Be aware of this and you may be able to nip it in the bud.
5. Understand someone’s love strategy
We all have different strategies that we apply in terms of how we feel loved, and how we feel wanted and heard. Everything we do is in an order and sequence of behaviors. So we want to understand what our friends’ love strategies are so we can make sure we meet them if they need extra support.
If you are a visual person, you need to see that you feel loved. For example, buying you flowers, giving you a gift, seeing messages from friends. If you are auditory, that means you want to hear the words of encouragement. If you’re kinesthetic, that means you prefer hugs and affection. When you know this about your friends, you can truly support them in the way they need you.
When we take stock of everything, it all comes down to communication, really. Communicating with your loved ones and with yourself in the most profound way possible ensures that you help yourself and your friends feel heard and respected.
Rebecca Lockwood is a trainer in Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Hypnosis, Time Line Therapy®, Positive Psychology and Breakthrough Coaching.
To learn more about NLP and to work with a professional, visit Life Coach Directory.