Savage Love: Her Hypnotist Boyfriend Can’t Support Her And She Won’t Support Him – Blogtown

I am a 26 year old bisexual female living in California, working on my graduate degree in a STEM field. My boyfriend is 33 years old and we have been together for a year. He hasn’t earned a penny all this time and his work situation is stressing me out. He spent thousands of dollars “training” to become a hypnotist, not in a graduate program or in a formal setting, but taking weekend classes with quacks who claim hypnosis can do it all , whether it’s getting women to have sex with them or curing cancer. It all sounds like total bullshit, but he takes it very seriously and now he’s trying to start a business as a hypnotist. Of course, it’s not going anywhere because it has competition from licensed hypnotherapists with master’s or doctorate degrees, and people prefer to entrust their mental health to the professionals.

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When we started dating he looked like he had a thriving business but of course as we got to know each other the truth came out and he saw money his parents gave him give. Once I realized that I was already too involved, I really like him and he tries very hard to be a good partner. I tried to support his career but I’m coming to a breaking point because I’m exhausted from putting up this false front. I really don’t respect what he’s doing and I think it’s a dead end. Also, if I try to give him advice on his job (like lowering his price by $300/hour, since he’s not getting any clients at that price), he explodes at me, but gives me when even advice on my work, in an area in which he knows nothing but thinks he has “intuition” (spoiler: he doesn’t).

I’m worried because I’m going to finish my degree in two years and then I’m basically guaranteed a six-figure job; I keep telling him not to rely on my ability to support him, but I don’t know if he’s sinking. He’s also quite clearly depressed and says he might just kill himself if the career as a hypnotist doesn’t work out. He doesn’t have access to therapy with his terrible health insurance, and refuses to take anti-depressants, so I don’t know what to do when he says that. He says I am the only thing in his life that brings him joy.

I’m afraid his parents will stop supporting him (which they probably will within a year) and then it will be up to me to provide him with my little college stipend because if I don’t provide it he’ ll just kill himself. The pressure of knowing that if his job fails I will have to take care of him distracts me from the relationship and makes me forget about all the good things. We love each other and have a good time together. I just know I’ll have kids to take care of one day, and I don’t want to waste my 20s taking care of a grown man, especially one I know I have no future with. long term because he doesn’t I don’t want kids/marriage and I do.

Am I a bitch to judge him on his work situation? We’re not married and I don’t rely on him for money, so it’s really none of my business; am I just trying to ignore him until he asks me for help? Or should I be straight with him and tell him that I think he needs to find another career? He never had a stable career, so he would start from square one at 33; I can understand why he is so resilient, but better to start now while his parents can continue to help him than when he has nothing in a year.

Wishing my boyfriend had a job

Putting aside the fact that your new boyfriend has been essentially unemployed and/or unemployable his whole life…and putting aside the fact that he’s in his thirties and his parents are still supporting him…and putting aside the fact that he tried to hold you hostage with suicide threats…

You want marriage and kids and he doesn’t. Case closed. Game over. Hard.

Basically, WMBHAJ, unless you’re willing to sacrifice your dream of having children to support that male child for the rest of your life…or unless you think you could settle for a relationship with someone who will spend your hard-earned STEM money on increasingly insane programs (what comes after amateur hypnotherapy? dowsing?)…or unless your boyfriend is willing to get married and have kids and be the main caregiver/housekeeper in exchange for never having to pretend to look for work again at the exterior of the house…

You have no long term future with this man. And I know you know it, WMBHAJ, because I removed it from your letter!

But! But! You love it. Alright, of course. I don’t doubt it, WMBHAB, because you wouldn’t have wasted ten percent of your twenties on this guy already if you didn’t love him. But you don’t have to wait until you’ve fallen in love with someone — or come to hate that person — to end a relationship you know won’t make you happy in the long run. . Your refusal to support him and his inability to provide for him will generate so much conflict down the road that you will have to end this relationship one day. Ask yourself if it will be easier to end this relationship before you make the mistake of moving in together or “helping her out once” with her rent or if it will be more difficult.

You’ve known this guy for a year. He lied to you at the beginning of your relationship – about the source of his income – and he’s lying to you now about killing himself if you leave. It may be true that you’re the only thing in his life right now that brings him joy, WMBHAB, but that’s his problem, not yours. And it doesn’t require you to stay in that relationship and let it explain STEM to you for the rest of your life.

His parents are about to call him bluff. You should call him first.

DTMFA.

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